I had another chat with Marilyn today. Under the guise of asking me what I wanted to do, she proceeded to tell me what she thinks I should do. Which is fine, she’s the boss, but I just wish she wouldn’t keep changing her mind.
First, she says she wants a new assistant librarian. We get Stephanie, after interviewing only two people. Five months later, Stephanie is fired. Will we get a new assistant? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe she will cannibalize Stephanie’s position and give some of us more hours. Have I wanted more hours for a very long time? Yes. So far, so good.
What am I going to do with more hours? Reason would suggest that I take some of Stephanie’s duties. So, she asks if I will do the bills and payroll. Sure, I can learn that, I say. It’s not difficult, just tedious. PR duties? Sure, though I will be less sure of what I need to do, since it is a job I pretty much will have to create things of my own to do. I’ve never had a job like that before.
So today, she wants me to say that no, I really won’t be comfortable doing the bills. She is going to take that job away and give it to Crosby. She wants me to concentrate on PR. I say fine, whatever you want. And guess what? She wants to hire a new library assistant, another 20 hour position. She has decided she really needs someone at her beck and call to help her. Fine. Marilyn, just decide what you want to do, and tell me when you’ve decided. You call me into your office to ask me how I feel, then you proceed to tell me what you have already decided for me. My job is changing every few days, and I have no idea what I’ll be doing next week except wondering what is coming down the pike tomorrow.
I’m just going to stop worrying about it. Life is just a series of changes. You jump on board the bus or you end up walking. Changes that come from outside are actually easier to deal with than changes you see yourself needing to make inside. It’s an issue of will. For me, it’s easier to adapt than to initiate. I suppose some people are just the opposite.
I’m still looking forward to the ILEAD project, which will be a huge change in my perspective on work, initiating change instead of just doing what I am told. Let’s see how well I adapt.